So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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