Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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