Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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