just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
