hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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