yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hippo gnu deer
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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