i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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