i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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