I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
