i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
