I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
