He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
