I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
