sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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