At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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