I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
