Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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