she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
