GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
