Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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