I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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