i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
