I'm lost and stupid without you.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
