here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i think my cat just said my name.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
