I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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