is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
