I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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