she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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