I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
