I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
