girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
