I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
