I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
