I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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