sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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