i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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