i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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