It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
