how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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