girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
