watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
