She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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