i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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