I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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