did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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