I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
