: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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