I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
