So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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