All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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