dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
