at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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