Where is the hickey?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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