My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
