they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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