so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
