Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize