My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
how does that bad decision feel?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
