You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
