Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
