Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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