it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
