Your mouth is God's brothel.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
