bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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