see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
