oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
