sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
