you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize